World Keeps Turning

It's been a little under a year since the last entry. Shortly after beginning this blog, our life was crazy-fied. I went back to work, a month later G was let go from his job. He was out of work for a total of seven months, including the Christmas holiday. We survived on my chicken-scratch income, savings, and a wee bit of help from family.

So, it's not that we woke up one day and the kids were yes-ma'am-saying zombies. There were other things to focus on.

E just turned five. He's smart and funny, and a little less rambunctious than the E of previous posts, but not by much. He's lanky and already brown from two hours of playing in the sun over the weekend (yes, in sunscreen....and yes, in the evil non-organic sunscreen that doesn't cost as much). His hair has lost most of its blonde, as I knew it would one day...just didn't think it would happen so fast.

He knows more than I realize, which is dangerous because I've been operating under the idea that I understand him better than he understands me. I don't think this is true anymore. For instance: I tend to curse when I drive. I try really hard not to when the kids are in the car. I use other words like "nuts," and "unsafe cretin," because I really don't want to have to tell a preschool teacher why E was dropping words like "shitballs," and "fucktard," on the playground (yes, I use those words....sorry, Mom).

So today I was pulling into the gas station, and a large truck not only cut me off at the pump, but also did so in a way that I had to drive around and reposition my car because the gas tank was on the wrong side for every other available pump. Not a big deal, but it ticked me off, and I said quietly (I thought), "Effing truck."

"Mami," said E, "why did you say 'Fucking truck?'"

"I didn't say 'fucking,' I said 'effing.' There's a difference," was my reply.

I felt like a huge fat liar almost immediately, because there's really no difference between 'fucking' and 'effing.' Not when you're a kid who realizes that both words mean the same thing. But that he understood that one stands for other--that's what got me.

E will be starting Kindergarten this year, which is exciting and scary. He got in to the school we wanted to send him to, and I'm very happy for that. I know he's capable of doing very well, but I am also afraid that they are going to eat him alive. He's a bit of a selective exhibitionist, like his ol' mom. He can be choosy about to whom he displays his full range of knowledge and ability, which won't fly in an environment where he's expected to perform. But we're talking about Kindergarten, right? I mean, how much has it changed? It's still crayons, learning to read, addition and subtraction and leaf collections, right? I mean, right?