I try not to begin a sentence with, "If there's one thing I can't stand...." This is because there are actually many things I can't stand, at any given moment. And while I try really hard not to be a big fat complainer, I also refuse to perjure myself just so I can use a comfortable introductory phrase.
Pretty high on my list of peeves is the making and/or upholding of rules for the sake of rules. In my house, we have rules for safety and manners, and that's about it. I just don't believe in being arbitrary, even when I know that it would serve me, because I so strongly dislike the idea of treating someone with so high a level of disrespect. Arbitrary action spawns needless rebellion because it makes people--especially children--feel powerless and less-than-human. I don't do it to my kids, and I don't do it at work. And I really, really get upset when I seek help with something and encounter instead someone who would rather spew an aseptic, rehearsed paragraph about why the rules say they're not allowed to give me the information I need.
Several years ago, I bought a little mug for E at Anthropologie. It's orange, and has a blue outline of a bunny on it. It's really cute, and although E's not one for hot beverages, he still calls it his special bunny mug and occasionally asks if he can drink chilled water from the fridge out of it. J very much is into hot beverages, however, so I thought I'd get him one of the other mugs that came in the collection. Turns out Anthropologie could give two flying flips about helping a bitch out when it comes to locating a particular cute mug.
I contacted customer service and explained what I was looking for, and that I knew they were no longer sold in stores or online. I asked if they could perhaps point me in the direction of where to buy the mugs, or pass on information about the manufacturer. The initial reply I received, from a genius-level trained chimp named Stephanie, informed me that Anthropologie no longer sold the mugs in stores or online, hope this totally useless regurgitation of your original question helps buhbye! The signature invited me to reply in the event that I needed more help, so I did.
Hi Stephanie, I wrote. I understand that the mugs are no longer available through Anthropologie. What I was hoping was that someone could tell me where they're currently being sold, or how to get in touch with the manufacturer. This is information that should be available, since Anthropologie stocked the items for a period of time.
This time my reply was from Heather, no doubt the BAMF chimp they call in to dispense the arbitrary truth when squeaky wheels such as myself refuse to give up after the initial "Confuse the Customer by Repeating the Question in Your Answer" technique.
Heather wrote: Unfortunately, we are not at liberty to disclose our vendor contact information. Our vendors have a privacy clause with our company, barring us from releasing contact information. We appreciate your understanding in this matter and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
Really? The maker of the orange bunny mug doesn't want to sell their shit directly to the public? They don't have a website that I just can't find because they're a European company, and I can't decipher the enigmatic stamp on the bottom of the mug? I know it's a small thing, just a mug. I should just find something else for my son to drink his decaf green tea out of. But I can't let it go because it chaps my ass so badly, the inability to trade my money for desired goods and services on account of a vendor who wishes to remain anonymous, and a company that facilitates this ridiculous, elitist separation from the general public.
What purpose does keeping this information secret serve? I can go online right now and find out if anyone I know owns a house in any of the neighboring counties for free, and then show up unannounced (after I internet search their home phone number and breathe heavily when they answer), but I'm not allowed to know who makes an orange bunny mug? Would I not buy the mug if I knew who the manufacturer really was? Did Hitler fool the world into thinking he's dead, only to begin a successful business in cute children's ceramicware? No? Then for crying out loud, tell me who makes the goddamn mugs!
A boutique in Canada also carries the mugs, as I just found out after an hour of searching my various interpretations of the stamp on the bottom of the mug. I'm going to go ahead and order one, but another part of me, that asscrampingly persistent part of me that I know I've passed on to my stubborn little kids, wants to forge ahead and uncover the true identity of the bunny mug manufacturer, just so I can say to myself that no arbitrary bullshit held me back.
This is the same part of me that sassed the sacristan last week at a cousin's wedding, when she silkily pointed out that the pew in which I'd put my purse was reserved for family of the groom (I am the grooms's family, but who gives a shit, I'm just putting my friggin purse down so I can chase after my heathen offspring who instantly morph into Bacchic revelers every time we enter a house of worship). It's the part of me that refused to enforce a dress code when I was a choir director, and now feels sick and forlorn every time I see the choir perform because the jackass who took over after I left doesn't allow women to wear pants. It's the part of me that tries so hard, even when I know the answer needs to be five words or less, to give a response to my children other than "Because I said so."
It's the part of me that is simultaneously as one and at odds with the parenting mantra, "Pick your battles." Most of the time we ignore little arbitrary issues in order to focus on the larger problems that are really worth fighting for in life. But if we don't fight back when people make and enforce arbitrary decisions, we soon become enslaved by a thousand tiny, pissant rules that serve no purpose other than to keep us small, uninformed and powerless. It's the only way to keep an orange bunny mug from becoming a symbol of oppression.
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